By Jeff Tigchelaar

1. Jana, in for a mammogram 

So they give you these special shirts: 
easy-open fronts. 
Post procedure they herd you 
into this room where others in the same boat 
and shirt
must sit 
and wait. 
I walk in say Oh how embarrassing 
we’re all wearing the same top
to no response. The TV’s tuned 
to daytime talk, nobody watching. I offer 
to change the channel or turn it off. 
No takers. A few seconds later: “Up next! 
How one woman got the news that would 
change her life forever: ‘I found out 
I had breast cancer!’” Then someone 
says Yeah no we’re shutting that off
and gets up and does the deed. 
A minute later this same woman gets 
her results. And they were 
good. Very good. 
They were perfect.
And she jumped, whooped, pumped her fists 
said Praise Sweet Jesus and her boobs 
popped right out of that special shirt 

2. Can I take this it’s my wife 

and she just got her results 
just called me at work 
to tell me about a five, something about 
BI-RADS and a five score a biopsy a 
but the first thing she said and the last 
I could actually understand 
was it’s bad 

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