By Sandy Gingras

Featured Art: Vase of Flowers by Unidentified 

(double space between paragraphs and indent throughout)

Use polite address: Dear Mr. Neil Augustus,

      How you picked aforementioned specific agent: I met you at a “A Hook for Every Book” writing workshop at the Holiday Inn and we made an interpersonal connection: At the opening reception, we both took an orange cheese cube from the buffet, and I said, “Hi.” I hope you remember me.

      Show that you’ve read this specific agent’s guidelines: I wrote 75,000 words exactly and used the font, Times New Roman, just the way you said to. Plus, I took out all the mentions of Tarot cards, trailer parks, and vampires in my book as your guidelines say you have a thing about them. I also spell-checked.

      Your novel is about: a serial killer. The sub-plot is about: another serial killer. It stands out from other novels in this genre because it has: two serial killers in it. Also, it has some good recipes. Your novel’s title is: Bodies and Brownies.

      The main character is: me except with shorter hair. The essence of the story is: I almost get killed a bunch of times and all sorts of hijinks ensue, but, in the end, I don’t die. So, no worries.

      The setting is: a hot climate. But I’m flexible and could switch it to a cold climate if you want that, Mr. Augustus. I’d just have to change the characters’ clothes and add snow and stuff.

      Your style of writing is: extremely marketable. Your novel compares favorably to: all of Stephen King’s novels. I’m like a female version of him, but I’m unique because my book is in all my own words.

      You are equipped to market your novel because: I enjoy travelling to other locales, particularly tropical vacation spots. For example, Orlando, Florida and/or The Bahamas. Your blog reaches: potentially millions of people worldwide.

      Who will like this novel? I know most people usually only read nonfiction nowadays, but I know plenty of people will like this fiction novel because it seems like it really could have happened.

                                                                                                            Sincerely or Respectfully,
                                                                                                            Your full name goes here: Ima Case

Sandy Gingras is the author and illustrator of twenty-five gift books. She designs stationery products for several companies and owns two retail stores. She lives with her husband and her golden retriever on an island six miles out to sea off the coast of New Jersey. She won the Crime Writers’ Association’s Debut Dagger Award for a mystery she wrote in 2012.

Originally published in Issue 19.

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